A Cup of Story

I’m 15 years old. I’m a student and i have someone that I loved the most. His name is Albert. I never thought that i will fall in love on the first sight before, until i saw him standing cool in the corridor and I found that I can’t breathe. I was searching all information about him in anyways and I got it. Every weekday’s like a new power for me. Yeah, you know as well what I mean. Student organization at my school was planned to make one day trip these day and I’m the one who’s excited about that. So, the day was coming, and me? of course I have the same bus with him. As you should know, I’m bagging my leader to let me guide the bus that absolutely he’s inside. The trip was so fun for me, because I can see him clearly and knowing him more deeply. Even though I haven’t any closed friend there, but I still keep to take the same bus with him.

Every time we stopped to the place that we never seen before, I always concentrated on him only. And with my effort and my shameless, I keep taking a photo of him secretly but soon I became a topic to the people whom know him and I don’t care for sure. Before the trip was over, I took a step and sit near him. I lost my mind, and trying to take a photo again. He knows it, but he keeps silent and let me do what I want to do. A little shy but if you know, I failed doing that. It’s not because I’m not taking his face, but it’s too dark to see his face. Maybe to him, I was just another girl who’s so aggressive and annoying. But to me, he was the only one.

I do a small chatting with him in social network *Yahoo Messenger*

“Hi..” I wrote.

“Hi too..”

“Did you know me? what’re you doing right now?”

“yeah.. I’m just listen to the music”

...

Yeah, I know he was always like that. Being cool in everything and it just killed me inside. He always stayed in the corridor in front of his class. He’s sometimes just set there, sometimes do some joking with his friends, sometimes set and drunk a bottle of milk. I never managed to ignore him.

Every time when I was walking in front of his class, his friends were screaming his name and said I was there. But he ignored me always. When my friends hate doing a ceremony (upacara bendera in bahasa, it’s a tradition in all schools in Indonesia) every Monday and gymnastic (senam pagi) every Saturday, it looks like it’s just me who loves it. It’s because I can see him as long as I want to see him. I’m not the only one who loves him, there’s another girl who’s my enemy. She got a lot of support from friends who know him. Even though I got a support too from my friends, but she’s not as lucky as me. I got his formal photo from my friend who’s asking to my class guardian to give it to me and I’m very thankful to her until now. Support means nothing without faith and passions right? And I always put my effort in it.

I became one of the committee in basketball tournament and I do happy that day. That means I have a chance to be closer to him. Every time he races, surely that girl came to support too. Jealousy burning me inside and it makes me have to get even better than her. But in the end I can’t do anything better. I afraid to talk to him, afraid to be closer, afraid to get ignored, and many more. That because I’m the only one who hated by the other at school *it’s been a long story*.

Finally we moved to second level. I wish I can do one step to be closer to him, but just like beginning I do nothing improved. I can only look at him, crave him, and love him. Two years down the drain without do anything. In our last level (last year for being high school student) I absolutely do the same until I know he got girlfriend. I do broken heart, crying and “galau”. Everyday when I’m looking at him and his girlfriend, my heart just like a balloon that touched by needle, my lungs just like a bottle filled with carbon dioxide in it. I can’t live seriously, but I keep positive then.

When we’re graduated, I didn’t intentionally saw him and he’s looking at me. His eyes look like saying something that I can’t translated it. And I turned away in a second after that. I realized something inside my diary about him, just a few years ago, after graduated. He ever asking me to hang out, but stupid me, i said I can’t go. How can I do that? Well, the regret always come last right? I just let it be. But two years after graduated, I met him again, not in real person, but in blackberry messenger. I do invited him to be a friend, but same as before, he’s too cool and I do nothing until one year after that, he deleted me and it means I hopeless. Now I know I just need to learn it right? Learn how to love without asking for a loved one. ^^